I've been happier this summer than I have been for the past four years. I'm not sleeping for fourteen hours a day anymore (9 AM is such a wonderful time of day!) and I'm finding it commonplace for me to find joy in small things (like these chili pepper shaped rainbow twinkle lights at a restaurant I went to with Hanna). I've made new friends, and more importantly i finally understand what I really want out of friendship and what my social limitations are. Mags and I continue to be like two peas in a pod (I know she reads all of these so I'm just going to put it out there that she changed her hair from purple to dark blue and it looks amazing).
The therapist my parents started sending me to when i was at my lowest gave me a clean bill of mental health a few months ago. We used to talk about my self confidence and she would help me navigate difficult decisions and such, but now all we really talk about is my family. I used to cry a lot in those meetings, but now we do fun things like walk her dog, brush her cats, and refill her bird feeders. She told me that she's enjoyed watching me regain my motivation. I honestly can't even remember what I felt like when I wanted to kill myself.
My family on both sides is still in a strange sort of turmoil, but I've almost gotten used to it. It occurred to me the other day that all the problems with my parents' families are like the one thing I don't talk about with friends, but that's probably why I talk about it with my therapist. My relationship with my dad's mother and siblings has gotten a lot better though. My grandma is taking me to see Peter Pan at a dinner theater later this week.
I think joining Key Club was the best decision I made all of Freshman year. I'm the secretary of our school Key Club now, and I'm thinking of running for District Office in the spring pending on a study abroad scholarship our school counselor really wants me to apply for. I'm pretty confident about my ability to get really good grades this year (I had good grades last year, but they weren't really really good), and I think I'll be able to make it into NHS, which puts me perfectly on track with my eight year plan.
I'm getting back into my art, and I've been painting some. I think what I really like to paint is just geometric color blocking. It is really really pleasing to me for some reason. It's my favorite type of art. I still take pictures too, but they're just of silly things like Mags' back yard and fish tanks. I do take selfies sometimes, which is really new to me because I'm no longer fearful of taking pictures of myself (probably something to do with the self confidence thing).
I'm happy, and I'm really impressed with myself because of it. I'm going to keep my account up on request BTW.